On planning

There is always a to and an against faction for the benefits of planning one's daily life or life in general...I have been on a roller coaster with respect to this...Early years of my life, I used to plan in such a huge way that even to have my bath and eat, there was a fixed time. If I did take some extra minutes off the schedule, I would compensate by taking those minutes off my favourite task!

Growing up have their own enlightenment...Why plan when circumstances will anyway keep changing, I contemplated...Let things happen, and like a leaf in the wind, I shall keep flying wherever it took me.

Now, I am back where I started - but a little more intelligently. I do plan but also give leeway to go with the flow. I accomplish my tasks and at the same time fulfill myself with little pleasures that keep cropping up. I sense a feeling of satisfaction which I did not get in my previous two ways.

On senses

So, I came across this article on "Senses" at http://buddhanet.net/vmed_7.htm. I am implementing it in a small way and find a new way of looking at things...I am not enlightened that I expect miracles overnight but small things matter most...The article states that one should be mindful to our senses. Like, when I am sitting on a soft cushion, and I get a pleasant feeling, it is neither me nor the cushion that is pleasant...being mindful would mean "If you do not observe soft, soft, soft, soft, soft, then you feel it pleasant. That pleasant feeling gives rise to attachment, desire for your cushion"...One needs to be aware of the part of the body that is giving rise to this feeling of pleasantness and you must feel it soft, soft, soft...You will then, know that softness is by your experience and therefore, being pleasant or unplesant will not be associated with it...The reason why the same cushion will be plesant to some and unpleasant to others, is because one associates the feeling with the object...

Similarly, when you see things, be aware of your consiousness of seeing, (your sense of vision) and not the object nor yourself...This beginning of disassociation will be a starting point for all the others...

Another instance would be to identify your feeling more specifically. Like, if you are in pain, identify very specifically which part of the body is the pain situated in (remember the mind is what is telling you that you are in pain). Once you know that, specify the feeling of pain - Are you feeling hot, irritated, tingly, a striking pain, a rubbing pain etc....Be mindful of its specific nature and then sweep your body through with a fresh whirl of air...

Going further, this will also lead to peace and that state where "you will not feel pleasure or pain" but be more objective...

My Happy Self

So many things we do in our daily lives makes us happy when being dependant on others or circumstances. You are happy if your son passes the exam, you are happy if your love materializes, you are sad if you are not invited to a party....We rarely do things for our own self and rarely do it alone. We need company for everything and if we are refused, we are disappointed...Happiness, has thus, become a dependency...Can you believe you can be happy alone? Doing the things you would love to do?

I set out to experiment this. Weekends are the time to catch up with friends and family. On Monday morning, if one were to ask how the weekend was, there would be 2 sets of people..One who spent it in company and who would say they had a great time, and the other self pitieous lot who did not have company and therefore, did not do anything and consequently would claim that their weekend was a so-so...I belonged to the second set for a long time...
On a Saturday morning, I decided that my life and happiness which is after all, my birthright, would be mine - not dependant on anyone else...and worse, certainly not dependant on those who were morose and were just flitting through life! I took the day into my hands...Travelled a small distance alone, went to some well known places alone, and then had the good fortune to meet new people and have lively discussions...Oh! I did not even call people who I normally do to spend time...The reason? Of course, for them, life was unfair, a burden and boring...! At this stage, I wanted to give such company a go!

What did I find at the end of it all? Amazing happiness...For many of us, a day of complete happiness or a few hours of them, are a dream....more so, when you spend time alone...But, as the great philosophers have cited, life was bliss...The assumptions we have, the dependencies we create, the opportunities we lose out on account of this are vast...These are small issues we create that shackle us and refuse to let us live!

Break those chains of freedom, and then, - you will find the right people to accompany you further!

Right Vs Wrong People

For a long while, the concept of meeting the "right" person was the one I knew. So did all my friends. It is as though you are checking each person as they come in line and then select the so-called "right" person...If everyone ended up marrying the "right" person (based on their thoughts), why are there failed marriages?

Now, my opinion differs a bit. There is no "right" or "wrong" person. Who are we, in fact, to label people? How much do we know of them? Every person's upbringing, a lifetime of experiences, thoughts and environment are all different. The way, each person views life is different. Therefore, no two person will be the same. Everyone would be unique. Just as I label someone as "right" or "wrong", someone else may think of me in the same light.

What matters is the level of compatability and comfort we share inspite of people not being similar or having the same tastes. I am an avid reader, someone else may not be. But if I can share what I read with the person, it gives me immense satisfaction...Can I say, he/she is the "wrong" person just because he/she does not read?

What if you meet someone who does not share your tastes but you are happy and comfortable in their company? Ultimately, is'nt that what matters? All of us are chasing happiness but we sometimes, put considerations and complicate matters. Sometimes, what we think as important is just a mirage...We fail to see what lies beneath...

One of my friends remarked aptly that she does not say, she met the "wrong person" these days...She simply says that the person was not compatible with her...

Self Esteem and Living for others...

And so I begin the age-old question of whether we should live for others or for ourselves...

By living for others, I do not mean, not being compassionate or not practicing charity. This, one must do. But, sometimes, we put others before ourselves. We give in to what others want to do for their own selfish needs rather than looking at our wants.

Take, for example, you hate going to the mall and your friends know it too...You propose a movie this weekend. Your friend(s) prefer the mall. Now, knowing your likes and dislikes, they can do 2 things: One, not mind the movie since it is one of the rare occasions when this happens (Not like you are going for a movie every week) or two, convince you to go to the mall. What would this be? 9 out of 10 times, you will be at the mall. Story 1 over. Some other weekend, you propose the mall, by which time, your friend(s) are bored of it...Where would you end up? 9 out of 10 times, at the movies...Aha! You lose either way!
Or has it occured that you end up waiting for them to call you on most weekends and 9 out of 10 times, you end up calling them...?

Ok, so some of you, are telling me "What's the big deal? Friends! right?" Yeah, right! That is what my issue is with...Don't friends practice give and take? Don't they negotiate?
Oh! Let me not be critical of the gang, so who is to blame if they confuse "Living for others" and "Self esteem/Living for oneself"? Who is to blame if they cower so that they do not hurt the people who do not mind doing the hurting? Who is to blame if they allow themselves to be subdued not once or twice , but always?

There is no blame, actually...One cannot blame anyone...Its just a matter of respect. Respect everyone, big or small, significant or not...You will not really achieve much in life, if you cannot respect the weak. Give in, sometimes, for those moments would be few. Any person needs to feel special, not like a doormat!

Can we live for others, then? Positively! - Yet watch out for that thin line between "taking for granted" and "respect". A human being needs to be treated so, and that is why we have feelings and intelligence...

All the gyaan that we share...

Well,

To begin with, "gyaani" in India means someone who is knowledgeable. It does not mean, I have attained enlightenment but a lot of people speak philosophically each day among us. I wanted to capture this since some were profound and could be adapted to day to day living.

There will be many who will be contributing to this blog and I will give due credit to them...

Let's transform ourselves...